Let’s say your best friend just had a baby. She’s the first one in your friend group to have a baby and it’s so new to everyone. That was me. I was 24 when I had Nixon and none of my friends were even close to having kids. I heard a lot comments that made me cringe. I heard a lot of nice things too but unless you’ve had a baby you just don’t get it. As a Dana Point Motherhood Photographer I am lucky enough to be surrounded by a beautiful tribe of new mamas and that transition is one of my favorite things about them. Today I wanted to make a short list of thing you should say to a new mom…
Give me the baby. Most new moms need a freakin break. Holding a tiny baby for 24 hours a day, while being completely in love and joyous, is also exhausting. They also won’t ask you to take baby and you don’t know if you should ask. YOU SHOULD! Actually don’t ask, just tell your mama friend to hand over the baby.
Nap. Shower. Eat. Repeat. New moms are in survival mode and as their friend you need to help them. After you’ve taken baby out of their arms, tell them to sleep, take a shower, eat a sandwich, or even just pee in peace. A few moments away from baby is such a breathe of fresh air.
You look great! Even if she doesn’t, even if she has frazzled hair and dark circles. For God’s sake, do not tell her that. No matter how close you are or how real you keep it. Mama knows she looks a wreck, she needs you as her friend to lift her up. Sometimes its okay to lie, she’ll love you for it later.
Let’s go for a walk. Being outside is one of the number one suggestions for new moms to combat postpartum depression. Just make sure she’s physically healed enough to walk but if so. Make her walk. Even if she doesn’t want to. Push the subject. Be the annoying one and blame it on yourself.
Where am I putting these clothes? Okay that’s random but it means get up and do stuff. Don’t be that friend that just comes over to sit on the couch, look at the baby and then leave. Get your ass off the couch and fold her laundry, do dishes, clean the bathroom. That friend is the one she won’t forget believe me.
How are YOU feeling? Physically and mentally. Don’t be scared to ask. Postpartum depression is only a big deal if we don’t talk about it. It’s not something bad, it’s totally normal but she just need someone to ask her how she is feeling. Often mama doesn’t even know she’s struggling so just be mindful of her behavior and tone. Ask leading questions like “Aren’t you so in love?” “Is it so different now?” If her answer is timid or unsure. Keep pushing.
You are a natural. You’re so good at this mothering thing. This baby is so lucky to have you. Because it’s actually true, sometimes we just need to hear it.
Dana Point Motherhood Photographer
Poppy Lea Photography is a motherhood photographer in Orange County who specializes in maternity, newborn, baby, motherhood sessions and family photography in the Orange County area, including San Clemente, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Laguna Niguel, Irvine, Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, Rancho Mission Viejo and Costa Mesa.
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I find such joy in capturing a family’s story and would be honored to help you tell yours!